overwhelmed

it's been ages since i last wrote in my blog. and i miss it.
yet again another year has passed. 2014. 23 years old, and still not sure if i had made any difference to the world, or anyone else in particular, with my existence. 23 years old and feeling overwhelmed of what the future has in store.
i'm actually not quite sure whether being overwhelmed is a good or a bad thing. overwhelmed by all the plans, yes they're still plans (self reminder), in store for this year. overwhelmed to start a new phase in my life; finally graduating undergraduate and becoming a new master student. overwhelmed of being happy. sooo overwhelmed that sometime it all just scares me. what am i doing with my life? am i ready? who do i actually think i am? do i deserve this? this life? sometimes questions like these are what bother me the most. questions i can't answer. but then again, uncertainty was never my friend, and i'm not even sure we will ever become acquaintances.
i'm not here to complain, i'm actually quite satisfied and extremely grateful, but i'm scared i'll just ruin it all. i'm capable of self (and sometimes others') destruction, and i don't want that to happen. i'm scared i'll be destructive without even realizing.
hahaha what am i even talking about? so let me rest my case for now, and let this be a reminder for myself. cheers~
oyasumi!