framboise gateau

So yesterday Edhika and I took our first official cake class! Yeay~~
We made Framboise Gateau; it's a vanilla cake with raspberry jam, and a cream cheese raspberry icing. It wasn't really hard to make, the only tricky part was putting on the icing! This was the first time to ice a cake for me, but i was glad they told us the right techniques hehe. Can't wait for the next lesson! :)

patience

If someone was to ask me what my weak points would be, i could give you a very long list starting from being shy, clumsy, skeptical to even having messy teeth. But if someone was to ask me what my strong points would be, i'd need a very long time to scribble down a few words, which in the end would probably be less than ten. But i guess the one thing that i'm pretty sure would be on my list is my patience; even though i'm not sure if it could be categorised as a strong point or as a weak one.
I'd admit that i do tolerante many things, which in some cases would have big impacts to myself. But i also realize that with this patience, sometimes people tend to treat me the wrong way. They would treat me differently because they know i would be patient enough to say, "its okay."
Sometimes, it really is okay. Really. But in other times, i'd just like that person to step into my shoes and let them understand for themselves without having to say so.
There's one thing that i think people should know about patience.

Patience doesn't mean waiting around forever. 
Patience doesn't mean waiting for the universe to give you what you deserve.
It means waiting around until your resolution has been reached; until a conclusion can be drawn.

So when someone has lost their patience, it doesn't mean they didn't try, or they didn't want it as bad as you thought, they did. But through their patience they have reached a logical conclusion and decided to move forward.

when love arrives

"Love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict. Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep, and you are in California, Australia, wide awake. Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone, maybe love is not ready for you. Maybe you are not ready for love." 

Maybe love stays. Maybe love can’t. Maybe love shouldn’t. Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to, and love leaves exactly when love must. When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.” If love leaves, ask him to leave the door open behind him. Turn off the music. Listen to the quiet. Whisper, “Thank you for stopping by.” 

♥♥♥

story telling, speechs, and passion

So it all started a few hours ago when i stumbled into a video a friend of mine shared about the art of story telling. It then made me wander off into a video of Sarah Kay (you just gotta love youtube and their suggestions column; i feel they know me so well, haha). Who is she? Well, i must say she's the first and the best spoken word poet i have ever heard of! The first poem i listen to was called "If I should have a daughter". It was great, and it reminded me of a --maybe something some people called-- passion; that i use to have.

When i was in junior high school and high school i loved entering english speech contests. I joined speech contests, to story telling contests, (normal) debate contests and even a single (not in teams) debate contest; atau kalau kata Ayah dhilla sih "debat kusir" hehe. I didn't win in every contest i entered, but i can say i'm pretty good at it. I liked the winning part but i didn't like it when i was called up to come to the front of the flag ceremony in my junior high school to receive the trophy (it was the school tradition they had). Basically i don't like being the center of attention, but when it came to giving speechs i guess i didn't bother that much and actually enjoyed it.

I remember the first speech contest i entered was back when i was in my first year of junior high. The contest's theme was about animals. I choose to deliver a speech about my pet rabbit that recently died. I loved it; i love the feeling of having butterflies in my tummy as i waited and walked to the podium but then have them all gone once i start to open my mouth, i love the quick and exciting rush i got when i started to talk in front of the audience,  i loved seeing the faces of the audience as they listened to what i had to say. I loved the fact that in contests like these, a nobody like me was listened to. I didn't win anything in that contest, but from there, it started my addiction of entering in more and more contests.
Since then i thought that i had found my passion. Delivering speechs in english, having debates was something i enjoyed doing. I felt that in those times i could really express myself. I felt that i could express myself better when i used english rather than when i used Bahasa Indonesia. I felt i had more control of what i had to say, had more passion in what i was saying. So from there my dream was to go to university majoring in International Relations.
Things changed, dreams changed, I changed. And it turned out that i was destined not to be accepted in the international relations program in the university I wanted. I ended up going to another university majoring something totally different from international relations. The next year I tried the university entrance exam again and got accepted in an international relations program of another university but finally decided not to take it. And now here i am, in TUA, majoring in International Bio-business.

Currently, i might say i'm living my life with no certain passion. Yes, i lost it. :(
I wouldn't say i don't like what I'm studying about now, but i can't say i'm passionate about it either. I feel i'm the total opposite of my brother this way. He has passion, deep passion, for something that most people are against of. He went through all sorts of obstacles (and will be going through much more) to pursue this passion he has. He might have not achieved it yet, but at least he has something that can guide him to where he wants to be in the future. Passion that i just don't have -- yet.
The future is a complete mystery to me. Sometimes it's exciting, but for me, more terrifying.
I know what i like, i know what i enjoy doing, but i guess i just haven't found the passion (again).
Of course i have a goal for life, but a goal and passion is just not the same.

2012

I started writing this blog around 4 years ago at the beginning of January; so it kinda became a tradition for me to write in my blog every new year day. So....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know i say this all the time, but doesn't time just fly past us so fast? And yess, it is scary! However, i want to use this time to reflect on what 2012 has been for me.
2012?
It was a big year for sure! Many new experiences, many many things that i should be more grateful for.
* This year i got a new part time job; learned (and is still learning) many new things from it, and   enjoying it more and more along the way.
* I got to go to Michigan State University for the 12th International Student Summit! Met so many new friends, learned so many new things, opened my eyes on many new perspectives!
* Went to Kyoto and Osaka! Two places i've been wanting to go to for so long!
* Started ABC cooking! I recently signed up for a baking cake and bread class! I've always wanted to do something like this! It's one step closer for me to have my own bakery or cafe of some sort (even though there are still many million more steps to go, hehe)
* Enjoyed many deep conversations, with many people i care about; which some how has made me - a tad bit - wiser.
Many other things that i could never list one by one, but there is one that i think is pretty major that i got this year;
I learned to be more grateful.
It started when one of my best friends gave me this great book for my birthday. The title is "Dream Catcher" by Alanda Kariza. It was as if she knew i needed that book, she gave it to me at the perfect time. In that book there was a section where we had to list the good and bad points of a big decision we have made in the past. A decision that became our turning point. For me it was going to Japan. Leaving my third semester at Bogor Agricultural University majoring in a departement that i really really liked, Resources and Environmental Economics. Leaving my comfort zone. Leaving my family and friends, leaving all the organisations i was involved in at that time, everything. All this time i know i complained a lot, sometimes questioning was the decision i made a right one? But i never took the time to really think. And when i actually did and listed all the bad points and good points of my decision; it turned out i had only 6 bad points and 12 good ones. I stopped at 12 because the book only gave space for 12 points, but if there was room i know i could of listed more than that. It was only until then i realised what a horrible person i have been. How unfair, how selfish i was to not feel grateful of what i had. And now i know that the decision i made wasn't wrong (at all). What i learned is that sometimes you just have to stop questioning everything. Stop worrying and just enjoy it. And most important; be grateful for it. And eventually everything will fall in to place.

Many new dreams and wishes in store for 2013! Can't wait!
I'm hoping this year i can become a better person. I can learn to manage my time better so when 2014 comes i won't regret not using the time i had wisely.
Happy new year, lovely people ♥