Compliments

Have you ever thought that complimenting someone important in your life is a way to show how grateful you are to have them? Receiving compliments isn't an easy task either, well at least for me, I'd be more comfortable giving them than receiving.  However, sometimes, whether we like it or not, we need to hear a compliment about ourself and we also need to compliment the people we love cause we never know if we'll ever have another chance to do so. Watch this and tell me you don't feel moved? :')

presumptions

Isn't it funny how time works. Sometimes we're so sure that we're ready for something but it just never happens, while in other times we have no clue whats happening but it just does, right in front of our eyes.

I remember always feeling intimidated by the thought of having such a mysterious future. Scared of the thought that i might become a total failure in every single aspect. Not ready to be faced with those questions that will always become other people's expectations. But I guess now I have realised something different. 

"Allah itu sesuai prasangka hambaNya."

God will always meet our presumptions. Meaning if we do have faith in Him, then He will eventually give us what we need, at the right time, at the right place.

I realised that I was feeling scared and intimidated cause I had no control on what will happen in the future. No matter how hard I would plan or try, the last decision is still not mine to make. Why was I scared? Because I wasn't sure there would be "someone" there to catch me when I fall, without realising that He was always there. Always. Waiting for me to ask Him for His help.

Yes, thats what I had forgotten, I forgot to ask. Being such the snob that I am, I forgot the most important aspect in my life.

Sometimes we're so busy denying the things around us that we forget to ask for help. But when we do eventually take the time to do so, there would be no problem unturned nor unsolved.

Allah always has better plans for us, even when we think they aren't. :)

*Just a self reminder to end the night*

1 Ramadhan 1434H

Alhamdulillah, masih diberi kesempatan buat merasakan indahnya bulan Ramadhan. Bulan yang dinanti-nantikan ini akhirnya dateng juga. Baruuuu juga hari pertama tapi Allah sudah langsung membuktikan keagungan-Nya. Mengingatkan agar Dhilla lebih banyak bersyukur. Jauh lebih banyak.

Everything is always given to us at the right time, just when we need it, even though we didn't even expect it. When you depend your life on Him, you will never be disappointed.

Semoga di bulan yang penuh berkah ini amal ibadah kita diterima ya sama Allah swt, amin :')

fabiayyi ala i rabbikuma tukadziban ♥

pelajaran hari ini

Dalam hidup kita akan selalu dihadapi dengan ujian. 

Bentuk ujian dari Allah swt itu ada empat; yang pertama ujian dalam bentuk ketakutan, ujian dalam bentuk kelaparan, ujian dalam bentuk harta benda dan terakhir ujian dalam bentuk jiwa dan raga.

Nah, ujian itu bisa dianalogikan dengan olahraga angkat barbel. Hasilnya akan ada dua; bisa membuat otot kita semakin kuat, atau malah membuat kita cedera. Dan hasil yang kita dapat itu bergantung pada pilihan kita sendiri. Terkadang ada orang yang terus-terusan dikasih ujian yang sama tapi tidak pernah bisa belajar, yang ada malah semakin menjauh dari Allah swt., tapi ada juga orang yang setelah dikasih ujian, dia belajar, berusaha memperbaiki diri, dan mendekatkan diri pada Sang Pencipta.

"Jika hambaKu mendekat kepadaKu sejengkal maka Aku mendekat kepadanya sehasta. Jika ia mendekat kepadaKu sehasta maka Aku mendekat kepadanya sedepa. Jika ia datang kepadaKu dengan berjalan maka Aku datang kepadanya dengan berlari-lari kecil".

(penggalan hadits Bukhari)

Semoga kita termasuk yang bisa terus belajar memperbaiki diri ya. Amin.

:')

ayahku (bukan) pembohong

Sudah hampir sebulan sejak saya pertama mulai membaca buku ini, tapi baru beberapa jam yang lalu saya akhirnya selesai membaca buku yang hanya 299 halaman itu. Iya, itu kebiasaan jelek kalau sudah di sini, malas membaca, padahal kalau lagi pulang ke rumah bisa jadi sampai baca belasan (atau bahkan lebih) buku dalam sebulan. Rasanya selalu ada saja hal-hal yang lebih menyita perhatian saya. *alasan*              

Buku ini bercerita tentang sebuah keluarga (ayah, ibu dan seorang anak laki-laki bernama Dam) yang sangat sederhana. Mereka memang tidak kaya, tapi berkecukupan. Sang ayah hanya lah seorang pegawai negeri golongan rendah yang "mengaku" lulusan sebuah universitas hebat di Eropa, sementara sang ibu juga ibu rumah tangga pada umumnya namun mempunyai fisik yang lemah. Meski pun sang ayah hanyalah PNS biasa namun semua orang sangat menghormatinya. Ia sangat jujur dan dermawan.  Bagian awal buku ini banyak menceritakan dongeng, cerita "khayalan" tentang sang kapten, apel emas, lembah bakhara, sampai toki si kelinci nakal. Dongeng-dongeng itu merupakan cerita petualangan sang ayah saat masih muda. Dam kecil sangat mempercayai cerita-cerita ayahnya. Namun ketika ia mulai beranjak dewasa, ia tersadar akan kejanggalan-kejanggalan dalam cerita-cerita ayahnya itu. Terkadang saya sendiri suka sebal membaca cerita-cerita ayahnya yang diceritakam seolah-olah semuanya nyata, padahal banyak sekali yang tidak masuk akal. Ternyata memang saya saja yang tidak punya hati yang lapang, yang didahulukan selalu suudzonnya. :')

Iya, itu lah hikmah dari buku ini. Hikmah yang baru saya dapatkan di bagian terakhir dari buku ini. Hanya perlu sekitar 3 bab untuk menyimpulkan 27 bab sebelumnya. Tere Liye memang hebat. Bab-bab terakhir benar-benar memainkan perasaan saya; dari mulai senyum-senyum sendiri sampai nangis sesegukan. Iya, Tere Liye memang hebat. Bagaimana mungkin buku yang menceritakan dongeng seorang ayah mampu menarik hikmah yang begitu besar. Hikmah mengenai arti kebahagiaan yang sebenarnya. Mengenai hati yang lapang, mengenai hidup dalam kesederhanaan. Tere Liye memang hebat. Sudah berapa kali coba saya mengatakan hal itu? Tapi memang Tere Liye hebat! Dari pertama kali baca buku karangan Tere Liye ketika masih kelas satu SMA, he has always been my favorite writer!

Ayo penasaran kan..hehe, sungguh saya saja tidak pernah menyangka akhirannya akan sebagus ini. I'm still lost in my own words as i'm writing this now (hehe, mungkin tidak ada bedanya sih, my writings are always unreadable, sorry ._. )

I know how annoying spoilers can be, so this is why i'm not blabbering it all out and giving you a chance to (hopefully) experince it yourself. Selamat membaca :)

scones

Today i felt like baking; didn't want to make anything complicated so i decided to make scones! :)

I didn't really feel like making sweet scones, so i decided to reduce the amount of sugar..the recipe was really simple. All you need is :

all purpose flour (200gr)

baking powder (2 teaspoon)

sugar (1 tablespoon)

butter (50gr)

milk-- i used soy milk (100cc)

First, in a bowl mix the flour, sugar and baking powder. Cut up the butter into small cubes, then put them in the bowl too.

With you hand, mix the butter with the dry ingredients until it forms many small lumps (looks kinda like very big granulated sugar). Pour in the milk little by little until the dough can be formed into a ball.

Wrap the dough with plastic and put in the fridge for one hour.

After an hour, take the dough out and make a large circle (as big as a small pizza). Cut the circle into 8 equal slices.

Preheat the oven at 190 degrees Celsius. (wait 10 minutes)

On a baking sheet, place the slices and bake them in the oven at 190 degrees for 20 minutes.

After it is baked you can fill in the scones with whatever you like, or you can just eat it as it is.

I filled mine with blueberry jam and cream cheese. Hope you can try this at home! :)

the story behind May 5th, 2013

I know this is a really late post, but i just wanted to share some of the pictures i took on our trip to Showakinen Koen (Park). I really do like taking pictures, but publishing them isn't one of my favourite things to do, hehe, thats why i decided to post them here. :)

 

                                             

welcome to Showashinen Koen! 

i just love interactions between fathers and their child! :3

too bad this picture was blurry

yes, we just had to take this kind of picture! :p

UNO forever!! haha

Kidu & Edhika

Picture taken by Kidu!

Nisa & Kiki

Dika & Indrawan, these two so called tough guys! :p

Lil' Mibo and Anak TK came along too~

pretending to be shy is the next big thing! 

failed attempt! photographer's fault ._.

Edhika and her Mickey Mouse smile :)

now this is how a professional photographer works! Akira and his precious camera :)

my favourite candid shots! ♥

yes, this is her favourite pose..

..and this is their's :p

the team ♥! minus Uki who took the picture and Jacky who was already up front

and this is just the perfect way to end such a fun day! :)

when you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life

it's just my brother, doing what he loves to do. 

sesuai porsinya

Segala sesuatu harus sesuai porsinya.

Iya, segalanya. Baik itu perasaan yang sedih maupun senang sekalipun, perasaan itu akan terasa "benar" jika memang sesuai dengan porsinya.

Roda kehidupan akan selalu berputar, selalu. Terkadang kita ada di atas, merasakan nikmatnya hidup, atau mungkin tengah diuji ketika menghadapi "kenyataan" pahit kehidupan saat kita berada di bawah. Saat kita terlampau senang, Allah swt. akan selalu menyentil kita, mengingatkan kita agar tak lupa melihat ke bawah. Dan saat kita lagi sedih, atau kesusahan, Allah swt. pun tak pernah lupa memberikan "hadiah-hadiah" tak terduga yang tentunya can light up anyone's day.

Namun, siapa bilang mengendalikan perasaan agar sesuai dengan porsinya itu mudah? Mengendalikan perasaan agar tidak melampaui batas, memangnya bisa? Perasaan kecewa, senang, sedih, berharap, takut, memangnya bisa ya mengendalikannya?
Ingin rasanya menjawab "tidak bisa", tapi sudah pasti bisa, bukan? But no one said it was gonna be easy. Not at all. Saat kita marah, apa sih yang bisa meredamkan amarah tersebut agar tidak meledak-ledak? Ketika sedih, what would be the best way to mend a broken heart? And when we're afraid, how can we remind ourself that there really is still hope? Dan apa yang membuat kita mudah melakukan itu? Mungkin jika saya ditanyai hal tersebut saya akan menjawab, "pasrah sama Yang Maha Pengendali". Tentunya setelah berusaha, berikhtiar; setelah dirasa usaha itu sudah cukup, maka yang terakhir memang hanya berpasrah, berdoa kepada Yang Mengetahui Segalanya.
Saya ingat pernah membicarakan hal ini dengan seseorang yang tidak percaya akan adanya campur tangan Tuhan dalam kehidupan kita, menurut orang tersebut apa yang terjadi dalam hidup kita hanya bergantung pada seberapa besar usaha kita, 「頑張ればできる。」(re: jika kita berusaha kita pasti bisa). Kemudian saya mengatakan 「でも、頑張ればできないの時もあるよ。」 (re: tetapi akan ada juga saat-saat ketika kita sudah berusaha tapi tidak mendapatkan hasil yang kita inginkan). Nah, konsep itulah yang teman saya susah terima. Kenapa? Karena dia tidak bisa menerima kalau ada saat-saat dalam hidup ketika apa yang kita inginkan mungkin bukan apa yang kita butuhkan, dan Tuhan telah menyiapkan jawaban yang lebih baik. Namun tetap saja teman saya yakin apa yang menurutnya terbaik buat dirinya pastilah memang yang terbaik, karena yang paling mengetahui apa yang ia inginkan hanya dirinya sendiri. Tentu saya tidak memaksakan kehendak dan mengakhiri pembicaraan tersebut dengan obrolan lain yang lebih ringan. Ya, meskipun demikian saya memang senang pembicaraan "dalam" semacam ini, it gives me so much prespective.
But now it's time i ask myself, "Apa iya usaha selama ini cukup? Apa iya telah sesuai porsinya, Dhilla?"

Daun yang jatuh tak pernah membenci angin, dia membiarkan dirinya jatuh begitu saja. Tak melawan, mengikhlaskan semuanya.

Bahwa hidup harus menerima, penerimaan yang indah. Bahwa hidup harus mengerti, pengertian yang benar. Bahwa hidup harus memahami, pemahaman yang tulus. Tak peduli lewat apa penerimaan, pengertian, pemahaman itu datang. Tak masalah meski lewat kejadian yang sedih dan menyakitkan. Biarkan dia jatuh sebagaimana mestinya. Biarkan angin merengkuhnya, membawa pergi entah kemana.

--Tere Liye, novel 'Daun yang jatuh tak pernah membenci angin'

Sudah lama sekali rasanya posting-an ini hanya bertengger di draft, dan mungkin sudah saatnya saya publish untuk mengingatkan diri saya sendiri. Maaf bagi yang ikut membaca dan merasa waktunya terbuang percuma, gomenasaaaiii~ :)

Good night!

hati yang lapang

Mau seberapa menyakitkan sebuah kejadian, jika kita mempunyai hati selapang lautan, ditumpahkan racun paling mematikan se-kontainer sekalipun, tetap akan larut, tidak terasa.

Tetapi kalau hati itu sempit, satu tetes berbisa saja cukup untuk membuat hidup kita 'binasa' sehari, seminggu, bahkan berbulan-bulan.

Melapangkan hati adalah pekerjaan panjang, perlu latihan, berkali-kali jatuh-bangun, dan jelas membutuhkan ilmu dan pemahaman baik. Tidak mengapa gagal, besok lusa tidak terasa hatinya sudah semakin luas.

--Tere Liye

complicated melody

ぱじ (Paji)

Its been so sooo long since i've watched a really good movie. I was about to start working on my presentation for next Monday when i stumbled on this movie. I really don't know why but i just couldn't help myself, so i decided to watch it instead *don't you just hate the power of procrastination hehe*

but..It turned out to be a really really good movie!! I think it's top 5 in my list of favourite movies. I didn't even feel sorry that i didn't do my presentation because of it hehehe

Its a story about a 71 year old grandfather who raised his granddaughter all by himself. In Japanese "grandpa" is "Ojiisan" and because Momo (the name of the granddaughter) didn't have a father anymore, thats why she called her grandpa "Pa-Ji". (Papa + Ojiisan).

What i really liked about this movie was how sweet the grandfather was. Even though he seems tough but he really had a warm and loving heart. The chemistry between Paji and Momo was just perfect! ♥

I wouldn't want to tell you more and spoil the movie for you, so try watching it for yourself, i think you'd like it too. Don't forget to prepare lots and lots of tissue! I think i used up half a box watching this. :")
Well, it's almost 2.30am and i still can't get over this movie, plus my eyes are too puffy and swollen it's hard to sleep. (Yes, thats how much i loved this movie hehe)

love of books

"The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."

- Dr. Seuss

what happens when you live abroad (repost)

Yesterday some friends and i had an interesting conversation after reading the article below. We all thought it was very true - well, maybe not the part about the bars and all - but it summed up almost everything we felt about living abroad. As some of you might know i have a thing for quoting hehe, so i'm sharing her article here. It's quite long, but i had no regrets "wasting" my time on it, hehe.. The article was written by Chelsea Fagan, you can check her website here.

What Happens When You Live Abroad (Chelsea Ragan, May 21, 2012)

A very dependable feature of people who live abroad is finding them huddled together in bars and restaurants, talking not just about their homelands, but about the experience of leaving. And strangely enough, these groups of ex-pats aren’t necessarily all from the same home countries, often the mere experience of trading lands and cultures is enough to link them together and build the foundations of a friendship. I knew a decent amount of ex pats — of varying lengths of stay — back in America, and it’s reassuring to see that here in Europe, the “foreigner” bars are just as prevalent and filled with the same warm, nostalgic chatter.

But one thing that undoubtedly exists between all of us, something that lingers unspoken at all of our gatherings, is fear. There is a palpable fear to living in a new country, and though it is more acute in the first months, even year, of your stay, it never completely evaporates as time goes on. It simply changes. The anxiousness that was once concentrated on how you’re going to make new friends, adjust, and master the nuances of the language has become the repeated question “What am I missing?” As you settle into your new life and country, as time passes and becomes less a question of how long you’ve been here and more one of how long you’ve been gone, you realize that life back home has gone on without you. People have grown up, they’ve moved, they’ve married, they’ve become completely different people — and so have you.

It’s hard to deny that the act of living in another country, in another language, fundamentally changes you. Different parts of your personality sort of float to the top, and you take on qualities, mannerisms, and opinions that define the new people around you. And there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s often part of the reason you left in the first place. You wanted to evolve, to change something, to put yourself in an uncomfortable new situation that would force you to into a new phase of your life.

So many of us, when we leave our home countries, want to escape ourselves. We build up enormous webs of people, of bars and coffee shops, of arguments and exes and the same five places over and over again, from which we feel we can’t break free. There are just too many bridges that have been burned, or love that has turned sour and ugly, or restaurants at which you’ve eaten everything on the menu at least ten times — the only way to escape and to wipe your slate clean is to go somewhere where no one knows who you were, and no one is going to ask. And while it’s enormously refreshing and exhilarating to feel like you can be anyone you want to be and come without the baggage of your past, you realize just how much of “you” was based more on geographic location than anything else.

Walking streets alone and eating dinner at tables for one — maybe with a book, maybe not — you’re left alone for hours, days on end with nothing but your own thoughts. You start talking to yourself, asking yourself questions and answering them, and taking in the day’s activities with a slowness and an appreciation that you’ve never before even attempted. Even just going to the grocery store — when in an exciting new place, when all by yourself, when in a new language — is a thrilling activity. And having to start from zero and rebuild everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out every day activities like a child, fundamentally alters you. Yes, the country and its people will have their own effect on who you are and what you think, but few things are more profound than just starting over with the basics and relying on yourself to build a life again. I have yet to meet a person who I didn’t find calmed by the experience. There is a certain amount of comfort and confidence that you gain with yourself when you go to this new place and start all over again, and a knowledge that — come what may in the rest of your life — you were capable of taking that leap and landing softly at least once.

But there are the fears. And yes, life has gone on without you. And the longer you stay in your new home, the more profound those changes will become. Holidays, birthdays, weddings — every event that you miss suddenly becomes a tick mark on an endless ream of paper. One day, you simply look back and realize that so much has happened in your absence, that so much has changed. You find it harder and harder to start conversations with people who used to be some of your best friends, and in-jokes become increasingly foreign — you have become an outsider. There are those who stay so long that they can never go back. We all meet the ex-pat who has been in his new home for 30 years and who seems to have almost replaced the missed years spent back in his homeland with full, passionate immersion into his new country. Yes, technically they are immigrants. Technically their birth certificate would place them in a different part of the world. But it’s undeniable that whatever life they left back home, they could never pick up all the pieces to. That old person is gone, and you realize that every day, you come a tiny bit closer to becoming that person yourself — even if you don’t want to.

So you look at your life, and the two countries that hold it, and realize that you are now two distinct people. As much as your countries represent and fulfill different parts of you and what you enjoy about life, as much as you have formed unbreakable bonds with people you love in both places, as much as you feel truly at home in either one, so you are divided in two. For the rest of your life, or at least it feels this way, you will spend your time in one naggingly longing for the other, and waiting until you can get back for at least a few weeks and dive back into the person you were back there. It takes so much to carve out a new life for yourself somewhere new, and it can’t die simply because you’ve moved over a few time zones. The people that took you into their country and became your new family, they aren’t going to mean any less to you when you’re far away.

When you live abroad, you realize that, no matter where you are, you will always be an ex-pat. There will always be a part of you that is far away from its home and is lying dormant until it can breathe and live in full color back in the country where it belongs. To live in a new place is a beautiful, thrilling thing, and it can show you that you can be whoever you want — on your own terms. It can give you the gift of freedom, of new beginnings, of curiosity and excitement. But to start over, to get on that plane, doesn’t come without a price. You cannot be in two places at once, and from now on, you will always lay awake on certain nights and think of all the things you’re missing out on back home.

LDR

Hampir tiap hari Ibu suka nge-line cuman buat nanyain hal-hal sederhana atau bahkan ngirimin foto yang benar-benar random *thank God for apps nowadays!*
Obrolan kita selalu seru, ada aja yang diomongon. Something i really look forward to. Beberapa hari yang lalu Ibu ngirimin foto selfie terus nanya "ibu kaya nenek-nenek ga kak?" (and the answer was "NO"; in that picture she was really really pretty, way prettier than i'll ever be! haha)
Beberapa jam yang lalu Ibu nge-chat kaya gini :

     Ibu : Kakak lagi apa? Ibu sama ayah lagi pacaran dong!
     Dhilla : Baru pulang bu, pacaran muluuu~ mau ke mana?
     Ibu : Iya dong asik, mau cari makan nih kita, apa ya enaknya?
     Dhilla : Bebek aja bu, aku pengen bebek!
     ---30 menit kemudian
     Ibu : We decided to eat Japanese food cause we really really miss you!

:'(

Ah, there it goes again. Sore tadi baru aja ngomongin topik yang sama, sama beberapa teman senasib sesama perantau. Kita ngebahas gimana ternyata kita terkadang ga (mau) sadar kalau selama kita ga ada itu banyak banget hal-hal yang berubah, bukan cuman kita yang sibuk adaptasi, tapi orang-orang yang kita tinggal pun melakukan hal yang sama.
Berubah.

LDR (long distance relationship) itu susah banget ya. Apalagi kalau LDR-annya itu sama orang-orang yang paling kita sayang, orang-orang yang selalu ada buat kita sejak pertama kita lahir. Iya, keluarga. Suka ga rela rasanya kalau inget kita kehilangan banyak banget momen sederhana tapi berarti selama kita jauh dari orang-orang yang kita sayang itu. Ketika kita sibuk tumbuh dewasa, banyak ketemu orang-orang baru, keasikan dapet banyak pengalaman baru, kita suka lupa kalau orang tua kita juga semakin tua; dan waktu kita buat bersama mereka pun semakin menipis.
No, we could never ever turn back time, but i hope one day i'll have the chance to prove to my parents that they have done a great job raising me.
Hopefully one day (soon).

quote (2)

“Begitulah kehidupan, Ada yang kita tahu, ada pula yang tidak kita tahu. Yakinlah, dengan ketidak-tahuan itu bukan berarti Tuhan berbuat jahat kepada kita. Mungkin saja Tuhan sengaja melindungi kita dari tahu itu sendiri.” 

― Tere Liye, Rembulan Tenggelam Di Wajahmu

kalau aja bisa ngerti

Seringkali kita menyangka bukti Allah swt sayang sama kita itu kalau kita dikasih apa yang kita mau, apa yang kita suka, apa yang kita minta...

...padahal

kita juga suka lupa kalau udah terlalu banyak nikmat yang Allah swt kasih tanpa kita minta sama sekali, yang bahkan terpikirkan pun ga. Dan mungkin aja kalau dipikirin lagi (mungkin) sebenarnya kita ga pantes ngedapetin apa yang udah Allah swt kasih itu..

..tapi

Allah swt ga pernah berhenti memberi tuh, malah semakin hari semakin banyak. Selalu dan selalu memberi..
Jadi sebenernya itu apa? Rahmat? Nikmat? Ujian?

Apapun itu, yang pasti, kalau aja manuisa bisa ngerti rencana yang udah Allah swt siapin, pasti, ga akan ada lagi hal-hal yang kita keluh kesahkan...

so that is why...

"Every experience Allah swt gives us; every person He puts in our lives; is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see."

..as scary as the future might seem, but it was never ours to know.

大丈夫

「大丈夫だから...」「キミならできる...」その言葉で強くなれた。 

  小さな出会い、大きな別れ 、感謝をこめて胸に刻むよ。 ♪ 

　

quote

"Love is something we wait for. We imagine our first "i love you", our first kiss but we never imagine our first heart break. Maybe because its too painful to even imagine, but in a way, the pain of love is what truly changes us. The loosing of love is what makes us what we are..the lost of a family member, our loved ones, who you thought you might be, your innocence..those loses are the first step into adulthood..because from then on life gets more complicated. 

But the best part is, its also filled with promises and possibilities to open your heart to new beginnings, new dreams and new places."

quoted from The Carrie Diaries with a few minor adjustments. :)

point of view

"If a flower was black and white, would people still think it was as beautiful as it is in color?"

Just as it is in life, it all depends on the persons' point of view.

In every single thing there will always be a good side and a bad one.

dan yang terpenting adalah apakah kita bisa mengambil hikmah dari kedua hal tersebut.

big little brother

Abdurrahman Fathony Syaukat.
The name of a boy that is only 20 months younger than I am. We look alike, have many similar personalities but at the same time we're like the opposite poles of a magnet. I guess i'm the type of person that would do what is expected to be done, while he's more unique, unpredictable and has a mind of his own. This boy is my younger brother (even though most people think he's my older brother, hehe)

Like most siblings, when we were younger we also had our share of fighting. But ever since we both started to mature, we turned more into best friends. If something happened he usually would be the first person i contact, i would tell him everything while he would do the same with me. Even though we're close but i know sometimes i'm pretty harsh with him. I hardly ever get angry to other people, but with him even the simplest things could make me snap. Its not because i hate him or anything (not at all), i guess its because i also feel responsible for him, i couldn't bare to think of something bad happening to him and of course because he's my little brother.

Anyways, a few days ago i had the worst haircut ever! And i mean EVER! I was crying when i got back from the salon; i even had to go to another salon to get my hair fixed which made it even shorter :(
The next day when my brother came home from campus he told me he had something he wanted to give me. And guess what; he gave me a package of shampoo, conditioner and hair serum from Body Shop. He then said hopefully my hair could grow faster if i used it and i wouldn't feel sad anymore.
I knew he didn't have that much money left, but it was so touching that he was willing to use it for me.
:')

You're the best my little tenyom! ai waf yu more than you would ever know ♥

framboise gateau

So yesterday Edhika and I took our first official cake class! Yeay~~
We made Framboise Gateau; it's a vanilla cake with raspberry jam, and a cream cheese raspberry icing. It wasn't really hard to make, the only tricky part was putting on the icing! This was the first time to ice a cake for me, but i was glad they told us the right techniques hehe. Can't wait for the next lesson! :)

patience

If someone was to ask me what my weak points would be, i could give you a very long list starting from being shy, clumsy, skeptical to even having messy teeth. But if someone was to ask me what my strong points would be, i'd need a very long time to scribble down a few words, which in the end would probably be less than ten. But i guess the one thing that i'm pretty sure would be on my list is my patience; even though i'm not sure if it could be categorised as a strong point or as a weak one.
I'd admit that i do tolerante many things, which in some cases would have big impacts to myself. But i also realize that with this patience, sometimes people tend to treat me the wrong way. They would treat me differently because they know i would be patient enough to say, "its okay."
Sometimes, it really is okay. Really. But in other times, i'd just like that person to step into my shoes and let them understand for themselves without having to say so.
There's one thing that i think people should know about patience.

Patience doesn't mean waiting around forever. 
Patience doesn't mean waiting for the universe to give you what you deserve.
It means waiting around until your resolution has been reached; until a conclusion can be drawn.

So when someone has lost their patience, it doesn't mean they didn't try, or they didn't want it as bad as you thought, they did. But through their patience they have reached a logical conclusion and decided to move forward.

when love arrives

"Love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict. Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep, and you are in California, Australia, wide awake. Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone, maybe love is not ready for you. Maybe you are not ready for love." 

Maybe love stays. Maybe love can’t. Maybe love shouldn’t. Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to, and love leaves exactly when love must. When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.” If love leaves, ask him to leave the door open behind him. Turn off the music. Listen to the quiet. Whisper, “Thank you for stopping by.” 

♥♥♥

story telling, speechs, and passion

So it all started a few hours ago when i stumbled into a video a friend of mine shared about the art of story telling. It then made me wander off into a video of Sarah Kay (you just gotta love youtube and their suggestions column; i feel they know me so well, haha). Who is she? Well, i must say she's the first and the best spoken word poet i have ever heard of! The first poem i listen to was called "If I should have a daughter". It was great, and it reminded me of a --maybe something some people called-- passion; that i use to have.

When i was in junior high school and high school i loved entering english speech contests. I joined speech contests, to story telling contests, (normal) debate contests and even a single (not in teams) debate contest; atau kalau kata Ayah dhilla sih "debat kusir" hehe. I didn't win in every contest i entered, but i can say i'm pretty good at it. I liked the winning part but i didn't like it when i was called up to come to the front of the flag ceremony in my junior high school to receive the trophy (it was the school tradition they had). Basically i don't like being the center of attention, but when it came to giving speechs i guess i didn't bother that much and actually enjoyed it.

I remember the first speech contest i entered was back when i was in my first year of junior high. The contest's theme was about animals. I choose to deliver a speech about my pet rabbit that recently died. I loved it; i love the feeling of having butterflies in my tummy as i waited and walked to the podium but then have them all gone once i start to open my mouth, i love the quick and exciting rush i got when i started to talk in front of the audience,  i loved seeing the faces of the audience as they listened to what i had to say. I loved the fact that in contests like these, a nobody like me was listened to. I didn't win anything in that contest, but from there, it started my addiction of entering in more and more contests.
Since then i thought that i had found my passion. Delivering speechs in english, having debates was something i enjoyed doing. I felt that in those times i could really express myself. I felt that i could express myself better when i used english rather than when i used Bahasa Indonesia. I felt i had more control of what i had to say, had more passion in what i was saying. So from there my dream was to go to university majoring in International Relations.
Things changed, dreams changed, I changed. And it turned out that i was destined not to be accepted in the international relations program in the university I wanted. I ended up going to another university majoring something totally different from international relations. The next year I tried the university entrance exam again and got accepted in an international relations program of another university but finally decided not to take it. And now here i am, in TUA, majoring in International Bio-business.

Currently, i might say i'm living my life with no certain passion. Yes, i lost it. :(
I wouldn't say i don't like what I'm studying about now, but i can't say i'm passionate about it either. I feel i'm the total opposite of my brother this way. He has passion, deep passion, for something that most people are against of. He went through all sorts of obstacles (and will be going through much more) to pursue this passion he has. He might have not achieved it yet, but at least he has something that can guide him to where he wants to be in the future. Passion that i just don't have -- yet.
The future is a complete mystery to me. Sometimes it's exciting, but for me, more terrifying.
I know what i like, i know what i enjoy doing, but i guess i just haven't found the passion (again).
Of course i have a goal for life, but a goal and passion is just not the same.

2012

I started writing this blog around 4 years ago at the beginning of January; so it kinda became a tradition for me to write in my blog every new year day. So....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know i say this all the time, but doesn't time just fly past us so fast? And yess, it is scary! However, i want to use this time to reflect on what 2012 has been for me.
2012?
It was a big year for sure! Many new experiences, many many things that i should be more grateful for.
* This year i got a new part time job; learned (and is still learning) many new things from it, and   enjoying it more and more along the way.
* I got to go to Michigan State University for the 12th International Student Summit! Met so many new friends, learned so many new things, opened my eyes on many new perspectives!
* Went to Kyoto and Osaka! Two places i've been wanting to go to for so long!
* Started ABC cooking! I recently signed up for a baking cake and bread class! I've always wanted to do something like this! It's one step closer for me to have my own bakery or cafe of some sort (even though there are still many million more steps to go, hehe)
* Enjoyed many deep conversations, with many people i care about; which some how has made me - a tad bit - wiser.
Many other things that i could never list one by one, but there is one that i think is pretty major that i got this year;
I learned to be more grateful.
It started when one of my best friends gave me this great book for my birthday. The title is "Dream Catcher" by Alanda Kariza. It was as if she knew i needed that book, she gave it to me at the perfect time. In that book there was a section where we had to list the good and bad points of a big decision we have made in the past. A decision that became our turning point. For me it was going to Japan. Leaving my third semester at Bogor Agricultural University majoring in a departement that i really really liked, Resources and Environmental Economics. Leaving my comfort zone. Leaving my family and friends, leaving all the organisations i was involved in at that time, everything. All this time i know i complained a lot, sometimes questioning was the decision i made a right one? But i never took the time to really think. And when i actually did and listed all the bad points and good points of my decision; it turned out i had only 6 bad points and 12 good ones. I stopped at 12 because the book only gave space for 12 points, but if there was room i know i could of listed more than that. It was only until then i realised what a horrible person i have been. How unfair, how selfish i was to not feel grateful of what i had. And now i know that the decision i made wasn't wrong (at all). What i learned is that sometimes you just have to stop questioning everything. Stop worrying and just enjoy it. And most important; be grateful for it. And eventually everything will fall in to place.

Many new dreams and wishes in store for 2013! Can't wait!
I'm hoping this year i can become a better person. I can learn to manage my time better so when 2014 comes i won't regret not using the time i had wisely.
Happy new year, lovely people ♥